Two lady friends had gone for a girl's night out, but had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee. They were near a graveyard and one of them suggested that they pee behind a headstone.
One of them had nothing to wipe with, so she decided to take off her panties and use them, then throw them away. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of underwear and didn't want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath and proceeded to clean herself. Then they made off for home. The next day, the first woman's husband called the other husband and said, "This girl's night out has got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties."
"That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came home with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"